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May 2013 |
drinkanddrugsnews
| 13
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Family matters |
First person
ADFAMWAS SET UP BY THE MOTHER OF A DRUG
USER
who was in search of support but unfortu-
nately could not find any. This situation has been
repeated over the last 29 years across the country
and today there are many community family
support groups set up by family members who
have themselves experienced the impacts of drug
and alcohol use on the family.
In the large majority of these communities
the groups are set up, facilitated and attended
by women, with men significantly under
represented. Adfam launched its Including
Diverse Families project in 2007 and included
‘men’ as a diverse group to try and address this
issue. However, across the country, men are still
not accessing the support groups, one-to-one
sessions and services family support offers.
Men – brothers, fathers, sons and partners –
can be just as profoundly and adversely affected
by drug or alcohol use in their family as women,
but often respond in different ways. It is often the
mother or female partner of a drug or alcohol user
that will initially look for and access support. Male
family members often either resist support or feel
existing support provision is not appropriate for
them, which leaves them feeling isolated.
Many services experience difficulty in
encouraging male family members to seek and
access support. The family support sector is
often perceived by men as being for women
(and children) only. The disproportionate representation of women among
staff and clients can lead men to think that support services will have a
feminine atmosphere, or provide only a ‘tea and sympathy’ environment.
Some services do have an overtly female focus and culture among staff and
service users, and the term ‘carer’ is often seen as applying only to women and
not to men.
Cultural and social norms, expectations of masculinity and an adherence to
dominant notions of male independence, self-reliance and strength also have
an impact. There is reluctance among men to admit to problems and seek help
– men often feel that they have to fix the problem and do not want to be seen
as not coping. Some support staff admitted that when supporting the mother
they often ‘forgot’ to ask about the father and how they were coping.
Sometimes the mother’s negative opinion of the father is unchallenged by staff,
unaware of the family’s history, and others reported being discouraged to offer
their support to men for fear of antagonising female service users.
Perhaps in light of all of the above, men are still fairly consistently under-
represented and their needs regularly go unaddressed. It is Men’s Health
Week from 10–16 June – perhaps this is an opportunity for family services to
review their provision to respond better to the distress, shame and pain men
feel, living with a drug or alcohol using loved one.
Joss Smith is director or policy and regional development at Adfam.
Funding family support
can be found on Adfam’s website, www.adfam.org.uk
FAMILY MATTERS
IT’S A MAN THING
How can we encourage men to access
support groups, says
Joss Smith
TERRORIST BRIAN HAD BEEN RIGHT
about the cheque cashing charges – I
pleaded guilty and accepted a slap on the wrist and another fine. I was lucky
and I celebrated with a trip to India with my girlfriend. I was in the back of a hut
in Goa when I first tried opium – I loved it and couldn’t stop taking it the entire
time we were there. All she wanted to do was see the sights and do ‘couple’
stuff. By the end of the trip she made me promise not to use drugs anymore and
stopped me smuggling some hash back to London – I broke up with her when
we got back.
Seeing how easy it could have been to smuggle hash, I convinced a friend
that we should go back and get a few kilos of hash fromMalana – we could sell
it for thousands in London. We trekked through mountains to get to the village
– we could have frozen to death in the Himalayas or been killed by angry
villagers because we didn’t know the local customs. But with a guide and a lot
of luck we got our hash through the airport at Delhi and would have got back
to London if it hadn’t been for a detour through France. We had decided that I
would be the hippy decoy and my friend would dress smart and carry the hash.
It didn’t work. We lost the hash and he ended up doing several years in a French
prison. I got away with less cash than I started.
Back in London I used the contact with Brian to get a supply set up. Nick was
helping, but got locked up for possession. At the time Brian was producing most
of the speed in London and I was building a big business selling thousands of
pounds of drugs a day. I needed help to run things so I brought in some friends
–Walshy was my man who dealt with the customers. We had been friends since
childhood and it felt good having him around. Besides, it gave me somebody to
get high with.
With the drug business a 24-hour job and the pressure of dealing with the
chaos of Terrorist Brian and his psycho henchmen, I took more drugs to cope. I had
gone from opium to smoking heroin and was drinking from the moment I woke
up until I passed out at night. I couldn’t get up in the morning without downing
a can and chasing the dragon. Walshy was a speed freak and Brian a cokehead. I
wanted to get away from Brian, but I was locked in; he would kill me if I left.
The business was getting dangerous too – the Hells Angels tried to murder
Nick because they couldn’t find me to make me pay for a drug deal gone bad.
Things weren’t going well. I thought that I just needed to get my own supply,
and then things would be better. That was my new plan.
Mark Dempster is author of
Nothing to Declare: Confessions of an Unsuccessful
Drug Smuggler, Dealer and Addict
, available now on Amazon.
Next issue: Life takes a more dangerous turn when Mark is taken prisoner in
Morocco
FIRST PERSON
NOTHING
TO DECLARE
In the third part of his
personal story, Mark Dempster
tries his luck with smuggling
hash and finds some unsavoury
new ‘friends’
‘It is Men’s
Health
Week from
10–16 June
— perhaps
this is an
opportunity
for family
services to
review their
provision...’