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DEAR FONDA
, is it rude to ask for money instead of
gifts? We would really like the spending cash for our
honeymoon cruise. How can we (subtly) get our
friends and family to dig deep?
FONDA SAYS
: With the risk of receiving five toasters
from John Lewis, I always think asking for cash is
better than a wedding list. A friend of mine once put a
chimenea at the end of the bar at his reception and
encouraged his guests to put their loose change in it –
an excellent idea, as you could be as cheap as you
wanted to be without being found out. Put the
chimenea in front of the band and your guests will
just assume your wedding was gate-crashed by
buskers – why not complete the ambience by selling
Big Issues to guests as they enter the reception?
DEAR FONDA
, I really don’t want children at the
wedding. My partner doesn’t care. Would I be
sacrificing friendships by saying no to children?
FONDA SAYS
: I always think friends sacrifice their
own friendships all by themselves the minute they get
pregnant – no one wants to go from discussing their
sordid sex lives over a cosmopolitan to discussing sore
nipples over puréed veg. I say keep the children out of
the reception. If you don't want to be so cruel as to say
‘no children’ on the invite, just advertise Bernard
Manning as your toastmaster on the invites – should
have the same effect.
DEAR FONDA
, I want to hire a wedding planner to
help my fiancé. However, I’m afraid that they will
completely take over and I won’t like anything. I
want to be involved but am too busy with work –
planner or no planner?
FONDA SAYS
: This is where you pay a planner and tell
them exactly what you want, then send them off with
your partner and bribe the planner to make him think
it was all their idea. You get what you want with
minimum effort – job done.
DEAR FONDA
, we don’t know what to do for our first
dance – should we go for cheesy and classic, or fun
and lively?
FONDA SAYS
: Why not cover all bases and do the
birdie dance to an André Rieu waltz?
DEAR FONDA
, a larger portion of our wedding
guests are vegetarians, like ourselves. Would it be
mean to make the meat-eating guests eat the veggie
option too?
FONDA SAYS
: There is nothing worse than being
single and invited to a wedding. Oh wait, yes there is –
being single, invited to a wedding, forced to take your
sister as your plus one, and not even a sniff at getting
your lips around some meat all day. It’s bad enough
that you force your guests to see that some people
can genuinely find happiness while the rest of us look
on with empty hearts – don’t make us do it on an
empty stomach. At least offer chipolatas on the initial
canapé round so we can remember why we dumped
the last guy and now find ourselves attending a
wedding on our own!
‘I always think friends
sacrifice their own
friendships all by
themselves the minute
they get pregnant – no
one wants to go from
discussing their sordid
sex lives over a
cosmopolitan to
discussing sore nipples
over puréed veg.
I say keep the children
out of the reception.’
pink weddings magazine » 75
Ask FondA
Ask Fonda
Our agony aunt, the legendary
Fonda Cox
, answers your queries…