The venue, the catering, the
photographer, the florist
– the wedding list goes on and the number of items that
need to be checked off seems to grow by the week. In
preparing for your day of celebration, there is often a
melee of mixed emotions, assumptions, strains, stresses
and obstacles. Does this sound familiar?
The one thing that is holding all this together is you.
Your partnership. And is it anywhere on your list?
Probably not. Your partnership – not only does it need to
be top of the list, it needs to be central to the whole
event, and there is a powerful way to create this and to
keep your relationship strong.
First, create a ‘stake’. This is key. Stakes can be tricky
to understand but there is something magical about
having one. A stake is a concise and compelling
statement of why you are doing what you are doing.
Imagine a stake in the ground that becomes the
orientation point for everything you do. The nearer you
stand to the stake the more it will support you. The stake
itself – your statement – is so compelling and planted so
firmly that if you stray away it pulls you back on course.
It is your ‘why’ and ‘where you are coming from’.
Some examples might be something like, ‘Being in a
relationship is a stand for the magnificence of life’,
‘Come home to love’ or ‘Partnership is greater than the
sum of its parts’.
Another metaphor to describe a stake is if you add
some drops of coloured ink to a glass of water it will
colour the water. Your wedding is the glass of water and
the coloured ink is your stake – it ‘colours’ the whole
wedding from beginning to end, from the idea to the big
day. Your stake will orientate the choices you will make, it
will influence the urges and ideas you have and it will set
the tone for how you respond to the world and all that is
going on around you. Keeping to a stake creates clarity,
connection, allows for easier decision-making and brings
you closer together, united in a purpose for your
wedding that is bigger than you.
Secondly, acknowledge that you are co-leading your
wedding. This requires you both to be leaning into each
other 100 per cent to create a solid foundation for your
pink weddings magazine 37
Life coaching
Graham Russell
gives you advice on how to design your perfect partnership
In it
together
relationship. Imagine yourselves standing and facing
each other about a metre or so away with your arms
stretched straight above your head and just lean into
each other, clasp each other’s hands so your bodies
create a figure ‘A’. With each of you leaning in at 100 per
cent you will stay solid and firm. If one gives 80 per cent
and the other 120 per cent, the ‘A’ will start to lean and
become unsteady. Check in with yourselves – what does
your 100 per cent look like? It will be different for each of
you and it will change from day to day.
So, lean into each other and co-create your stake.
Make it visceral and meaningful. It doesn’t have to be
perfect – play with it for a few days, adjust it and see how
it serves you. Write it down, put it on the fridge door, your
screen saver – have reminders around of staying rooted
to your deep inner cause, your love for each other and for
what your partnership stands for in the world.
Graham Russell is a life coach at Sapere Coaching
