THIS ISSUE ISTAKINGNOPRISONERS
with a ‘really, girl?’ attitude – I’ll be serving you
some home truths about fashion faux pas this
season. If you can’t trust me to give it to you
straight, who can you trust? Take a quick minute
to make sure your friends are being honest with
you when they silently nod and grin
widely as you walk out
of the changing rooms
in what you think is
your new and
improved look.
FEAR THE FAUX
In my previous column, I
mentioned my dislike for
people over doing leather. I
wish to retract that
statement and swap it for
FAKE leather. That’s fake,
not
faux
– don’t try and
glam up something that
cannot, by any means, be glamorous.
That spongy, sticky and ill-fitting
material is something that needs to
be prohibited, worldwide. Any vegan,
vegetarian or animal rights activist
out there can’t complain because if
you don’t like the idea of wearing
animal skin why would you want to
REPLICATE the idea of wearing
animal skin? The material bends to
fit the most unattractive curves of
any body, as well as being sold in
high-end stores at almost the same
price as leather! Burn it, shred it
(that would be quite easy) or bury it.
Just don’t wear it.
CULTURE VULTURES
Large, young crowds are queuing up for
their annual departure flight to Ibiza, buzzing for a week
of cheap deals onWKD Blues and night-time beach
fumbles, and they all appear to be adorning Indian head
jewellery and tacky print-screened kimonos. Please, we all
know your favourite holiday is an all-inclusive weekend at
a resort in Magaluf and you think David Bowie’s wife is
called Iran. Where do I even begin to describe the ‘hell
no, girl’ in that get up? The problem with this kind of
dress is that you are tricking people into thinking that
you’re sophisticated, bohemian and cultured. But you’re
not are you? You think
Madras is an authentic Indian
dish, don’t you?
BEARD-B-GONE
This one is for the guys. Long
gone are the days of
complimenting a
gentleman for his
impressive moustaches, his
fine handlebars or
wholesome full beard,
because now every Tom,
Dick and Harry has one.
Facial hair is no longer a
wonderful spectacle or a
pleasant visual to admire whilst
strolling down the street. I am seeing
straggly beards, patchy beards, smelly
beards, beards with food in, beards,
beards, beards – can someone please
just shave their face? We all read the
Metro
article about facial hair containing
more poo than a toilet. Yep, try to not
think of that next time you are kissing a
face pet. Bon appetit!
NOT SO GLAD-IATOR SANDALS
You know the ones – they wrap all the way
from the foot up to the knee. For those of
you with more
muscular
legs, they can
make your legs look like a Sunday roast
pork wrapped up in string. For others, they
may be loose at the knee and tight around
the calf. This is not Sparta, it’s the UK. Also,
watch out for the rare hot summer days
where you will catch a tan while wearing those sandals,
resulting in something resembling a jellyfish swarm
attack. Not pretty.
54 » pink weddings magazine
Fashion
Annie
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Stay in the know about the fashion
no-nos, with Annie-Gerrard Hobson
Crazy yelling bearded man
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